Questions and Answers No.1, Series of 2008

I got a message from a friend in a forum I used to visit a long time ago, where I made a name for myself writing about what happens in people’s nether regions. One day, a group of women in the forum got together and decided to put together a list of questions they’d like to ask men but never got around to doing it. I surmise that even if they did, all they got flew above their heads.

At any rate, my name popped out and my friend wanted my perspective on the matter.

Bakit kung kelan gusto ka na ng babae, eh parang saka naman ayaw mo na?

This has never, ever happened to me. The other way around is what happened to me. C’est la vie, is the thing to say, and get over your own self-important horse.

Maybe I’m just too insensitive (read: in denial) to notice someone who liked me that way. I’ve been technically off the market for so long that girls who still like me that way are best left alone, methinks.

I’ve never understood the concept of earning one’s attention, or changing one’s perspective and in “giving a second look”. I’ve always known what I’ve wanted, and I think if people are honest enough with themselves, they’d know what they want too.

Anyway, I feel that people should know off the bat whether someone is worth one’s time. If it takes some girls longer to realize what some guy has to offer, that really isn’t the guy’s problem. People get what they deserve.

Bakit gustong-gusto nyo ng BJ?

I could ask the same thing about returning the favor. I’m not a big fan myself — perhaps I have yet to meet a master at the so-called art of fellatio. Perhaps an Occam’s Razor is more appropriate here: because it feels really fucking good.

Bakit di sila makuntento sa GF nila? Tipong kung may GF ka na eh di bawal ng tumikim-tikim pa diyan! Eh wag ka nalang mag-GF so you could sleep around diba? Totoo bang men are polygamous by nature? Bakit kayo nag che-cheat sa GF o asawa nyo?

Although these questions are separate, I think they address one particular insecurity. Actually, there’s the rub (pun unintended), at least when it comes to sex.

I have a lot to say on this issue.

The PR line that most girls bandy about is that sex for women is often intertwined with love and so on and so forth. Girls, I have been told, will more than happily match a guy’s sex drive as long as he can get a commitment out of him. Of course, the silent premise of this is that girls require at least some modicum of a relationship before any form of sleeping around can be made.

So, if any sleeping around has to be done, a GF relationship has to be made to some extent.

Girls, I have news for you: there aren’t as many sluts as you’d like to believe. The market for friends with benefits for otherwise decent guys likewise isn’t as large as it seems.

On the other hand, why do girls allow themselves to be used by guys in relationships? I’m a product of a relationship that began by my dad duping my mom to think he was single at the time they met. Prior to their relationship, my mom proudly proclaimed that being attached was such a big deal-breaker. However, when my father’s deception was revealed, she continued on with the relationship.

Napamahal na ang tatay ko sa kanya. Even when he chased other skirts down the line, she still stuck it out with him for almost two decades. What’s up with that?

Eventually, my mom woke up and dumped my dad – who went back to his philandering with a vengeance.

My point is, the guys who successfully chase other skirts while attached do so because they can, and with impunity. Mothers encourage this behavior and women who think they can tame the wild rebel are attracted by the challenge. We hold as poster-girls those who develop the guts to think they can develop relationships with these gamers and then wail like the spoiled brats that they are when plans go awry.

This is not to say that the nice guys will not cheat on you, or dump you for someone else, or do the evil things that men are accused of doing. In such cases, the cheating nice man probably thought that he could get away with it. The nice guys usually do.

It must be said, at this point, that there is nothing better than the doting admiration of a woman than the doting admiration (and quite probably, if you’ve reached this point, the bedroom skills) of two women. You get the picture. With social manipulation techniques (very effective), self-esteem issues (all girls are now programmed to have at least one) and other mind control techniques (often in conjunction with the others) available to get any woman, there is no reason to not go out and collect, collect, and collect them bedpost notches. We have no reason to remain decent, chaste, and faithful. We’ll do it, we’ll get away with it, and you’ll love us because you already do.

Suckers.

Someone once told me that it was sad that guys thought that how great you are as a guy depends on the number of notches on one’s bedpost, and not how caring and compassionate you are towards other people. If being caring and compassionate towards others gets guys laid, more guys would be caring and compassionate. The thing is, we’re not. That says something to me.

What gets my goat about this question is that it assumes that the male of the species are the only ones who cheat on their significant others. I’ve seen enough girls go behind their loved one’s backs to think otherwise.

Everyone has the potential to be polygamous. It’s a choice. That being said, I don’t believe it’s in the nature of a particular gender to be polygamous. na

Just ask a girl who’s falling for someone else while with a significant other. That’s polygamy right there.

I think the real question here is if it’s true that men are natural cheaters. I have this friend who once had the opportunity to sleep with an engaged woman he had seduced at Il Ponticello in Makati. He knew she was engaged because she threw her two-carat engagement ring halfway across the room once he had her in his charms.

A quick aside here: don’t blame my friend for making this woman forget her promise to be faithful to her man. That woman threw her engagement ring by herself and without any express prodding. To blame my friend would be to blame Dulcelin for your excess poundage because they make the best mango torte in Manila.

Neither was she a slut, by any stretch of the imagination. So please refrain from thinking that she was. All I’m saying is that everyone can do it. We’re all people.

Bakit pag dating sa car kailangan bigyan ng name? Like their dick may name din.

Although I don’t name my cars with a proper name (my first decent car was named Spermy), I do have to agree with a prior poster who said that naming one’s car had something to do with the intimacy one feels with one’s vehicle. He said it was akin to girls naming their teddy bears, and I believe he hit it right on the money.

Moreover, it seems sometimes that these machines are living, breathing beings, with moods and temperaments all their own. Giving the car a name only seems proper.

Bakit kayo pumapatol sa mga bayaran?

Because if I ask you to have sex with me, without any strings attached and knowing that I have other potential issues, you’ll most likely say no. In fact, 0 out of 51 (and counting) say no.

Some people aren’t smooth, savvy, or confident enough to make it past one sentence with someone he’s interested in. Others do not like the burdens of having to deal with a woman’s inexplicable moods.

I think the more proper question is, bakit pumapatol ang mga babae sa lalaking nakatali?

Bakit kayo nagpapantasya ng threesome na may 2 babae?

It’s an intellectual thing with me. There is nothing better than seeing a woman decimated by pleasure, except seeing two women decimated by pleasure – especially when women (in general) tend to shy away from pleasures of the carnal variety.

That being said, I personally have no problem with a two-man threesome, if it floats the boat of the one I’m with.

Bakit karamihan sa lalake ayaw nila GF nila naka-sexy outfit pero pag may nakita silang sexy napapawow sila?

I think the guy is fine with it personally, but it has more to do with the thought of running into one’s mother, the friends of one’s mother, or even worse, the rabid social circle of women vultures who would rather do nothing more than tear up the self-esteem of another less fortunate woman.

Bakit ba lagi nagse-shake ang legs ng mga lalake kapag nakaupo? Bakit nakabukaka ang lalaki pag nakaupo sa jeep? sikip tuloy!

We’re not as conscious, methinks, of our crotches, so we’ll do things with our legs when our minds are elsewhere.

Besides, those legs are spread out (at least in a jeep setting) precisely to create more personal space for the guy. I’d suggest women do the same, if only other women weren’t as judgmental.

Bakit puro sex lagi iniisip nyo?

Why not? Sex is the most productive common denominator among all men. More than any other sport or activity, it creates the most shared connections.

I truly believe in my heart of hearts that through sex we can achieve world peace.

Besides, sex is a good thing.

Bakit mahilig pindutin ng mga lalake ang gitnang parte ng palad ng babae pag naka holding hands sila?

Where would you rather us hold? Besides, I believe this subtle gesture has much meaning. It is a check as to whether you are willing to, at some later point in the proceedings, be willing to engage in carnal proclivities.

Bakit pag nahuli kayong gumagawa ng kalokohan kayo pa ang galit?

There’s this old joke: Always deny. Even when caught, deny. You too, gyrated to “It Wasn’t Me” when Shaggy sang it.

What is the essence of being a man?

A man is a one half of a meme that needs a female of the species to propagate. Gender has otherwise lost its relevance in the 21st century. In other words, a man is distinguished from a woman only by the notches on his bedpost and how he looks at them.

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3 thoughts on “Questions and Answers No.1, Series of 2008”

  1. LOL on “Bakit nakabukaka ang lalaki pag nakaupo sa jeep? sikip tuloy!” ahahahah. true!!! kung masikip na kasi sa jeep/FX, sana naman guys can stop thinking about their personal space and think of the girl naman na ang nakaupo lang eh kalahati ng puet niya 😛

    and that’s all i’m going to comment on. in one way or another, we’ve talked about the other questions, heh.

  2. “That being said, I personally have no problem with a two-man threesome, if it floats the boat of the one I’m with.”

    Never been in a two guy threesome, my only issue is “Am i smaller than him?” That aside, i have no problem with it.

    There are those of us who, feeling we are judged by our prowess and the fact that women talk, feel that a 2 chick threesome would be a nightmare. and i understand that. making one woman climax is difficult enough, let alone two. it can be an olympic event. A close friend spoke to me about this. All i had to ask was if the girls were into pleasuring each other. he said yes. and it dawned on me how to solve this dilemma, TAG TEAM

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